Post by ToriJ on Sept 16, 2010 12:25:58 GMT -6
One day a doctor was performing surgery on a patient.
The Doctor: I have successfully remove the patient's testicle.
The Nurse: You was supposed to remove his cyst.
The Doctor: Oh balls.
A Republican was at his mansion, which he used with the US citizens tax money, and was watching South Park one day when he got a wonderful idea.
A Republican: My god! It's so crazy it just might work!
Republican Meeting
Republican Leader: Now tomorrow the Democrats are going to try to pass another bill! I can't remember what it was about or what's it for but who cares? We're going to say no to it anyway right?
Republicans: RIGHT!
Republican Leader: We must make sure that this bill never passes! If we have to we will spread lies about it to make people afraid of approving it! Now does anybody have any ideas on how we can keep this bill from passing?
A Republican: I say we support it!
The Republicans were all in shock as they looked around for the Republican who said that.
Republican Leader: Who said that!?
A Republican: I did! Look we have to accept that most of America hates us right?
The Republicans: Right!
A Republican: And that any side we're on is going to lose right?
The Republicans: Right!
A Republican: So I say we support the bill with the Democrats then everybody else will vote against it because we're supporting it!
The Republicans: ...
Republican Leader: That's a great idea, brother!
The Republicans: -CHEERS-
Republican Leader: It's decided! Tomorrow we support the bill so everybody will vote against us!
Tomorrow News
News Reporter: The Education Reform bill passed with no problems! However the Republicans are being accused of flip flopping on the issues. More of this at Ten!
A Republican: Huh.
In other news America and the UK were having breakfast.
Miss USA: He just wouldn't shut up you know? Iran just kept talking, and talking, and talking like, "We're gonna build a bomb!? and all that crap.
The UK: How did you end up in Iran again?
Miss USA: Oh god, I don't remember. So I finally told him, "I could really care less."
The UK: So why didn't you?
Miss USA: Why didn't I what?
The UK: Care less?
Miss USA: What?
The UK: You said you "could" care less not that you "couldn't" care less.
Miss USA: Oh not this again!
The UK: I'm just saying---
Miss USA: At least we drive on the RIGHT side of the road!
The UK: Are you serious?
Miss USA: We won the war buddy! We kicked your ass and you never got back at us. Get over it.
The UK: You don't even remember the War of 1812 do you?
Miss USA: The war of what now?
The Professor: Hello! I am here to talk to you about a very dangerous phenomenon sweeping the globe; Opinions. Opinions, as you may or may not know, are very dangerous creatures. They enter your head and make you think differently from other people. This was never meant to be. You see, God wanted everybody to be alike. Therefore we must work to cure this growing menace! Here are some things about opinions you may not know. For starters opinions can lead to violence, war, death, disease, poverty, despair and sex. Sex can lead to gay marriage, which then leads to polygamy, incest and beastatilty. For example if your opinions approve gay marriage it will begin World War 3! Do you really want that on your conscience, boy? I didn't think so.
From now on you must STOP having opinions! Start with the little things like movies, your clothes, TV shows, websites, comic books. Then move on to the bigger things like voting. It is up to YOU to change the world for the better. It is up to YOU to stop Opinions before they bring the end of the world as we know it!
Phaelyn: And I feel fine!
The Professor: Get the hell out of this segment you rotten cameo appearance!
Phaelyn:
Business Meeting
Employee: I just think some serious changes can be made to the budget.
The Employer: Well I think, who the hell said you could have an opinion? Be gone from my sight!
The Employer then pressed a button that opened up a trap door, which was a couple feet to the employee's right.
The Employer: Um? Would you be so kind as to---
Employee: No! No I will not be so kind as to move over there. In fact I am going to take a step in the opposite direction!
He took one step in the opposite direction to the open trap door and The Employer hit a button that opened up a trap door right underneath him and watched him fall.
Employee: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Employer: Hah! You won't see that on The Simpsons.
Debate Teacher: Hello everyone! Welcome to Debate 1 O 1! Here you will learn all the fine arts of debating with other people.
The Students: =D
Debate Teacher: First off you must present an argument to an opposing debating force and if/when they counter your argument you must insult them.
The Students: ...
Debate Teacher: It can be anything from personal insults to their character or what they said. If on a message board you could insult them for spelling mistakes, or if it's in person insult the way they talk. Then make a bunch of arguments that have nothing to do with the original argument in which you are arguing about! And if all else fails, if you're on a message board, delete your account in anger and call the other people morons!
A student raises their hand.
Debate Teacher: Yes?
Student A: Are you qualify to teach this class?
Debate Teacher: You're stupid! Am I what? Am I what? You're part of the younger generation and you don't understand us old people! You couldn't walk a day in my shoes! Am I qualify? You're ugly too and your momma's fat! I am very angry! You all are morons! I'm deleting my account!
The Debate Teacher then deleted himself from existence in anger.
The Students:
Student A: At least he's gone now.
Patient: REVENGE! I have the doctor's cyst!
The Nurse: It was supposed to be his testicle.
Patient: ...
THE END!
The Doctor: I have successfully remove the patient's testicle.
The Nurse: You was supposed to remove his cyst.
The Doctor: Oh balls.
The Comedy Hour!
A Republican was at his mansion, which he used with the US citizens tax money, and was watching South Park one day when he got a wonderful idea.
A Republican: My god! It's so crazy it just might work!
Republican Meeting
Republican Leader: Now tomorrow the Democrats are going to try to pass another bill! I can't remember what it was about or what's it for but who cares? We're going to say no to it anyway right?
Republicans: RIGHT!
Republican Leader: We must make sure that this bill never passes! If we have to we will spread lies about it to make people afraid of approving it! Now does anybody have any ideas on how we can keep this bill from passing?
A Republican: I say we support it!
The Republicans were all in shock as they looked around for the Republican who said that.
Republican Leader: Who said that!?
A Republican: I did! Look we have to accept that most of America hates us right?
The Republicans: Right!
A Republican: And that any side we're on is going to lose right?
The Republicans: Right!
A Republican: So I say we support the bill with the Democrats then everybody else will vote against it because we're supporting it!
The Republicans: ...
Republican Leader: That's a great idea, brother!
The Republicans: -CHEERS-
Republican Leader: It's decided! Tomorrow we support the bill so everybody will vote against us!
Tomorrow News
News Reporter: The Education Reform bill passed with no problems! However the Republicans are being accused of flip flopping on the issues. More of this at Ten!
A Republican: Huh.
****
In other news America and the UK were having breakfast.
Miss USA: He just wouldn't shut up you know? Iran just kept talking, and talking, and talking like, "We're gonna build a bomb!? and all that crap.
The UK: How did you end up in Iran again?
Miss USA: Oh god, I don't remember. So I finally told him, "I could really care less."
The UK: So why didn't you?
Miss USA: Why didn't I what?
The UK: Care less?
Miss USA: What?
The UK: You said you "could" care less not that you "couldn't" care less.
Miss USA: Oh not this again!
The UK: I'm just saying---
Miss USA: At least we drive on the RIGHT side of the road!
The UK: Are you serious?
Miss USA: We won the war buddy! We kicked your ass and you never got back at us. Get over it.
The UK: You don't even remember the War of 1812 do you?
Miss USA: The war of what now?
****
The Professor: Hello! I am here to talk to you about a very dangerous phenomenon sweeping the globe; Opinions. Opinions, as you may or may not know, are very dangerous creatures. They enter your head and make you think differently from other people. This was never meant to be. You see, God wanted everybody to be alike. Therefore we must work to cure this growing menace! Here are some things about opinions you may not know. For starters opinions can lead to violence, war, death, disease, poverty, despair and sex. Sex can lead to gay marriage, which then leads to polygamy, incest and beastatilty. For example if your opinions approve gay marriage it will begin World War 3! Do you really want that on your conscience, boy? I didn't think so.
From now on you must STOP having opinions! Start with the little things like movies, your clothes, TV shows, websites, comic books. Then move on to the bigger things like voting. It is up to YOU to change the world for the better. It is up to YOU to stop Opinions before they bring the end of the world as we know it!
Phaelyn: And I feel fine!
The Professor: Get the hell out of this segment you rotten cameo appearance!
Phaelyn:
****
Business Meeting
Employee: I just think some serious changes can be made to the budget.
The Employer: Well I think, who the hell said you could have an opinion? Be gone from my sight!
The Employer then pressed a button that opened up a trap door, which was a couple feet to the employee's right.
The Employer: Um? Would you be so kind as to---
Employee: No! No I will not be so kind as to move over there. In fact I am going to take a step in the opposite direction!
He took one step in the opposite direction to the open trap door and The Employer hit a button that opened up a trap door right underneath him and watched him fall.
Employee: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Employer: Hah! You won't see that on The Simpsons.
****
Debate Teacher: Hello everyone! Welcome to Debate 1 O 1! Here you will learn all the fine arts of debating with other people.
The Students: =D
Debate Teacher: First off you must present an argument to an opposing debating force and if/when they counter your argument you must insult them.
The Students: ...
Debate Teacher: It can be anything from personal insults to their character or what they said. If on a message board you could insult them for spelling mistakes, or if it's in person insult the way they talk. Then make a bunch of arguments that have nothing to do with the original argument in which you are arguing about! And if all else fails, if you're on a message board, delete your account in anger and call the other people morons!
A student raises their hand.
Debate Teacher: Yes?
Student A: Are you qualify to teach this class?
Debate Teacher: You're stupid! Am I what? Am I what? You're part of the younger generation and you don't understand us old people! You couldn't walk a day in my shoes! Am I qualify? You're ugly too and your momma's fat! I am very angry! You all are morons! I'm deleting my account!
The Debate Teacher then deleted himself from existence in anger.
The Students:
Student A: At least he's gone now.
****
Patient: REVENGE! I have the doctor's cyst!
The Nurse: It was supposed to be his testicle.
Patient: ...
THE END!
